He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
