she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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