is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
