you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
