I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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