you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
