I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
OPIZZABONMYDICK
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
