my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
