it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
