No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Fuck me I smell like cheese
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
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