He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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