matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
