drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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