Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
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