that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
