I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
