I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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