New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
