I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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