I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
