You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
