You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
MIDGETS
????
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
