She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
