I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
