Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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