I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
