As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
