oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
