Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
