He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
