You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
