I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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