I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
