I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
