whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
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