this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
