We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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