guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
ugly people sure do ruin things
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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