remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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