why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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