He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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