Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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