so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
