i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
