I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
