You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
