Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
