But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
