I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
