your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
