so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
