We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
