Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Randomize
