I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just cropdusted the office
I need to stop coming to work sober
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
