Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Randomize
