You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
