We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
