Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
