So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
